Don't be left behind.

Avid outdoorsman and all-around wild guy, Bruce Horatio J. Hempmountain, was spotted last Thursday at the Olan Mills photography studio. Hempmountain, a frequent customer at the studio, ordinarily poses for several "glamour" shots during his weekly visits, but this week he was spotted smiling for the camera with several city-born and bred northerners.

Hempmountain, at left in the above picture, vehemently denied any close relationship with the northern city slickers, but anonymous sources say Hempmountain slips out of the house periodically to teach the slickers how to ride horses, rope cattle, and whip up homemade barbecue sauce.

A few of Hempmountain's co-workers at his office speculate that Hempmountain is merely befriending the slickers since he feels sorry for them because of the way they talk. Most feel he is betraying the southern way of life by passing on southern secrets to the crass northerners. No one at his office was available for official comment, although rumors are circulating that Hempmountain will be dismissed immediately for conduct unbecoming a southerner.

Hempmountain was last seen weeping pitifully while trying to reload a VL8.

Page last updated: 03/07/06

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